Letter Two/ Ashamed...

I was called a 'town bike' by one of my so called friends.
I may be a virgin, but.... I just don't know what to do.


Day two of the 30 day, 30 letter challenge. Time for letter #2; the crush. 

Dear Hunter,
Hi.
You'll probably never read this (and I hope to god you don't, because then I'd be so embarrassed that I'd hide my head in the ground) so I'm going to say the truth.
Even before that fateful night at the dance, I noticed you. Just in english class, I mean. I'd see you in your jersey and think "Damn. Some lucky girl he must have."
And that night, at the dance, I remember you holding me, us dancing, and feeling.... free. And when you asked for my number, and we talked till 1 in the morning.... I felt like something amazing was about to start. And it did.
You're sweet, you're handsome, you're intelligent.... you're the package deal. So how in the hell did a screwup like me get with someone like you? It's something I ask myself every day. Maybe fate was on my side at the Halloween dance.
I.... I'm also very nervous around you. Nervous about who you think I am, what I mean to you. When you ask me about my problems, I'm afraid to tell you, because I don't want to scare you off. I've worked damn hard to get to where I am now and I don't want the past to screw it all up.
However, the little moments I've shared with you..... our first date, holding my hand in the hallway, remembering the way you kiss me.... it makes all this shit I've endured seem like nothing. 
But.... I wish you knew how broken I really was. How hurtful I can be. How screwed up I act. How possessive I can get. I try so hard to hide this from you, but I'm tired of living a lie. How can I approach this?
Well.... first things first.

I care about you. 
I think your eyes are gorgeous. I love to stare into them.
I love how you hold my hand.
I love how you can make me laugh.
I love how laid back, how at ease with the world you are.
So... I'm still going to try and take this as slow as possible.
Because..... I want you.
And if you want me back.... that would be amazing.
Love and other indoor sports,
Vixen.

That's all, folks.

-V.