The Suicide Series: Letter One

Letter One: Darcy

Dear Darcy,

Ever since I met you, we instantly clicked. I remember that first day in science class, meeting the new girl with the dark brown hair and lovely amber eyes. It really wasn't until this year that we became good friends... and I'm so glad we did. I know drama split our group apart, but you're still as close to me as you always have been. 

It's been a roller coaster ride for the both of us. Unfortunately, I have to stop here. I'm afraid I can't take it much longer. We all have problems, you and I both know that. But I just can't deal with them anymore.

I want you to know something, Darcy. I want you to know, and even as cliche as this sounds, that you are beautiful in every way imaginable. You make me laugh, you've comforted me when I was sad, forgave me when I was a jerk, and have been the best friend anyone could ever ask for. You don't need to change anything about yourself- I love you for who you are, not for your weight.

I'm sorry that I'm leaving you like this. But I really don't have any other choice. I do wish things could have been different- I wish I could've seen you grow up with me- go to university together, go to each other's weddings, become old ladies and laugh about all the shit we got ourselves into in high school. 

I'll miss you, Darcy, and I'll always love you. Please don't forget that.

-Vixen.

Next Time: Letter 2: Arien

New Letter Challenge.

Something occurred to me last night.

I almost always think that if I ever finally took the plunge- you know, ended it once and for all, that I wouldn't be missed, that no one would care. However, the voice of my friend Matthew, the only person I had left to turn to at that moment, convinced you otherwise.

"Vixen, of course people care about you. I care about you. Your parents care about you." His voice, crackly over the static of my cell phone, comforted me.

I thought about that for a moment. And for a moment, I thought he was right.

Then, lyrics from an old Linkin Park song came racing through my mind.

After my dreaming, I woke with this fear; What am leaving when I'm done here?

I thought about all the people in my life. The wrong I had done. Mistakes that I made. And those few, few happy memories. I wondered, what would/could I say to them if I left? What would my last words to them be?

And so now, I made a decision.

For the next two weeks, I'm doing my own writing challenge: The Suicide Letter series.

Every day, I write a new final statement to someone close to me. Simple enough, right?

The people I will write to will be as follows:

1. Darcy

2. Arien

3. Rachael

4. Hazem

5. Scott

6. Tony

7. Hunter

8. My parents

9. My sister

10. David

11. Nathan

12. Kira

13. Jacob

14. Mat

That will start tomorrow, as I have a physics and a chemistry exam to study for.


Also... i'm switching to tumblr,

-V.

People get jealous. People fuck up. People make mistakes, do things they shouldn't, regret them, then pick themselves up off the floor and move the fuck on.

I'm one of those people.

I'm one of those people who gets jealous, fucks up, makes mistakes; I do things I shouldn't, I regret them, then I ultimately pull myself together.... And move the fuck on.

But every time I fall, it becomes that much more harder to get back on my feet.


I need to stop eating.


I need to be perfect, I need to show him what he's missing.


It's all my fault. I'm not good enough.


I never will be.


-V.

It's funny.... after you've had a shitty day, after everything has been awful and it feels like no ones cares about you, after you've hated yourself and everyone around.... sometimes, all it takes is one last person to turn it around. A simple, small conversation, filled with little hearts and ended with a "night beautiful" can turn the worst day into the best one.

Remember those endless nights? The hours we spent together, our lips never leaving one anothers. Do you remember? Because I do. And I can't wait till I kiss those lips again- because you make my life worth enduring. <3

.....

Yeah, I'm in a sappy mood. Fucking deal with it, bitches.

-V.

Remembrance

Last summer, I went to Ireland....

And I think I fell in love.

I wish we didn't live so far apart.

He was perfect, absolutely perfect.

I miss him so badly.

<3

-V