Poetry....

I remember so much.

I remember how you pulled me closer.

I remember that first kiss, the first of many.

I remember the feel of your lips brushing against my forehead, my cheek, my hand, my neck, my chest, my lips.

I remember how happy I felt when I came back, without my makeup on, showing my face for the first time, and heard you call me beautiful.

I remember your fingertips brushing my cheek, as you told me how my skin was soft, how my hair was shining, how I was pretty, how I was, out of all the girls you've kissed, the best kisser.

But I'll never forget that one moment....

You kissed me with heat, and as you pulled away, I found myself looking at you in a way I never had before. For once, I looked at your eyes. I was staring into the depths of a beautiful sea green circle, an ocean captured in the iris of your eyes.

"What?" You asked me, uncertainly. I shook my head.

"Nothing.... I was just looking at your eyes." I said, softly. "I've never really given them a good look." You smiled and pulled me closer. 

"And?" You asked. I looked again. "They're bluish-green."I noted, and you nodded. I gave you the smallest of smiles. "I've always liked that colour." I paused. "What are my eyes like?" You looked into my own eyes, your gaze going deeper than I thought one possibly could. "Deep. Beautiful." 

I grinned. "I would've just said green, but okay." You laughed, and kissed me again, pulling me into your chest. We broke apart again, and you tucked my hair behind my ear.

"What do I taste like?" You asked me. I thought it over for a moment. Your delicate mouth didn't taste like any particular thing, it just.... tasted like I imagined it would. 

"I don't know. I guess... you just taste like you." I whispered. You nodded softly. "What do I taste like?" I asked, now curious. You pulled me close, until I could feel your warmth breath against my skin like a flame, and I felt your whisper before I heard it....

"You." 

Self Medicate

I always thought I was
Better than this
I always thought I was
Stronger than this
I always thought I was
Who I was.
But to see yourself,
You need to do just
A little more than looking
In the mirror everyday.
You need to go past
The skin deep appearances
Search for who you are
Deep inside
But I feel like I've been searching
And either I got lost
Along the way of my twisted
Psyche, or maybe I just
Can't recognize who I am
Anymore, I could just walk by
And never even know who
I was.
The fist squeezes in my
Mind, as your soft words
Echo in my head, I want so
Badly to listen, to obey
But, I can't help but think:
Will it bring back the old me,
Or will it just create another
Duplicate, another shell of
My former self-
If I choose to medicate?

Contact

That kiss
It was... unforgettable.
You kissed me with such
Softness, but although
You were so gentle, your two
Blushing pilgrims seeking
Refuge on my lips...
I felt fire behind your skin,
Behind your kiss, I felt
Tremendous heat building
In my heart, my soul
Screaming to catch flames
And blaze, burn into the
Raging inferno that I know
All too well it could become.
And the feel of that
Beautifully tender embrace,
The chemical attraction, reaction
Bringing our bodies together,
Touching, embracing, caressing..
And I still feel you.
I can still feel it all.
Every detail...
Every single touch.

-V.

Good god.

Good god.

Why do I always do this?

....Why did I let you in?
Why in the hell did I let you kiss me?
You're just like me- why the hell..... what the hell.... how the hell....

Why did you kiss me the way I always wanted to be kissed?
Why....
Why in the hell.


-V.

Ain't it adorable?

So it's an average day at school.
I find out I got casted in a lead role for my friend's film- so excited!
Also, squee story.
***
After sneaking into one of the schools secret rooms and making out mercilessly with each other, Hunter and I started to make our way to our classes. Walking through the atrium to the set of stairs leading to the science hallway, I heard a group of boys begin to make catcalls, shouting his name. 
It was something I was getting used to. Being seen with a football player certainly seems to garner you attention, eh?
But, just as we were nearing the top of the stairwell, something In my brain possessed me to glance back at Hunter, and say suggestively "Should we give the public what they want?"
He laughed, grinned, and pulled me into him, our lips meeting in an amazing kiss. 

My hand moved up to cup his face, for dramatic effect, After all, we were putting on a show. Might as well make it a good one.
We finally broke apart, and there was stunned silence from the table. Then, one boy broke the silence and shouted "Yeah, Crow!" Hunter saluted, and we walked off, laughing.


Thought I'd just mention it. :)
-V.

Old Unhappiness/New Beginnings

I just wish I was thinner.
I took some measurements:
hips: 33 1/2 inches. 
waist: 26.2 inches. 
belly: 31.5 inches. 
thigh: 21 inches.
breasts: 33 inches
ass: 35.7 inches.




God.

Why can't I look like that?

Or like that?

Or like that?

Why can't I just stop eating?

Why can't I be thinner?

Why?

Moving on....

Something wonderful occurred, just a few days ago.

Between my shows on thursday, I went over to Hunter's apartment and spent the afternoon there.
Almost as soon as we got in the door, he kissed me tenderly, and our bodies moved close together. I pulled away and smiled.
"Alone at last." I said softly, and he smiled. He was clean shaven now, having shaved off his Movember facial hair.
"What do you want to do?" He asked.
"What do you think?" I replied.
He gave me a wicked grin and pulled me into another kiss, more intense than the one before. The air around us seemed to catch fire. He pulled me toward his couch and he laid down, pulling me with him. I broke apart from him. "Wait." I whispered. "I brought something special."
i jumped off him and ran to my backpack, where I had stashed a small bottle of massage oil. I came back to the couch, and pushed him down. "Take off your shirt." I commanded him. He grinned at me and pulled it off, exposing his chest. "Good." I said idly, thinking "Shiiiit, he's shirtless." "Now, turn over." I commanded. He did, and I poured a little oil into my palm, and gently began to rub the broad, muscular expanse of his back. The scent of vanilla and jasmine filled the air. "Mmm. That's great." He murmured into the fabric of the couch. 
After a few minutes of me massaging his shoulders and back. I told him I was done." His head twisted up towards me. "Can I massage you as well?" He asked. I blushed. "Sure." "Okay." He said, and his hand traveled to the zipper on my black sweater. "I can't exactly massage you with this on." I nodded, smiling devilishly. We kissed, and he tugged on the zipper, revealing the bando I was wearing, my bare stomach exposed. I turned over and he began to massage my lower back, his fingers slick with the oil. I closed my eyes, extremely peaceful and relaxed. There had been something nagging at the back of my mind for awhile, so I whispered into the pillow, "Hunter?"
"Yes?" I heard him respond.
"I wanted to ask.... about us." I said slowly. "Are we.... you know..."
"A thing?"He finished my thought perfectly. 
"Yeah. A thing." I said. He was quiet for a minute, although his hands kept massaging me. 
"I don't know. We're kind of together, I guess." He said, his voice soft. 
"Would you.... want to be? Together, I mean." I asked, quietly. I was going out on a limb here.
His hands stilled, and I opened my eyes. He placed him hands on my shoulders and leaned in to whisper in my ear.
"I would love that." He whispered softly. I turned my head around and we kissed, gently, but no less potent, no less intoxicating to my senses than any other kiss we had shared.
He flipped me around and started kissing the hollow of my throat. "Oh, Vixen....." He murmured softly. He travelled down my stomach, and in the midst of my pure, unadulterated bliss, I realized something.
My scars.
I pushed him away quickly and covered my lower abdomen with my hands. "What? What's wrong?"
He asked, surprised. 
"I.... I don't want you to see."
"...Vixen." He said my name softly. His large, soft, warm hands moved to cover mine. "Please." I didn't say a word, but I didn't resist and he gently pushed my hands away. My scars were fading fast, some scar tissue pale pink, others still white. "I'm sorry-" I began, but he leaned over suddenly and, one by one, kissed each scar on my stomach.  When he stopped, he looked at me, and his dark brown eyes searched mine. 
"Vixen, please promise me you'll never do it again." He said, quietly. 
The words passed through me like a cold shiver. I had heard that before... and the guy who asked me before wasn't worth stopping for. But as I stared into Hunter's face, I knew I had to try. For him.
For us.
"I promise." I whispered.
Later, we laid together on the couch, his arms wrapped around me in tender embrace, my head resting on his forearm. Being there felt so good.

Pulling myself from my comfortable position, I snapped open my cell phone and checked the time. I had to get back soon. Damn.
"What time do we have?" Hunter asked.
"I need to leave soon." I said sadly. He pulled me back down next to him.
"I wish I could fall asleep here. I wish I could lie here forever." I whispered, or maybe I just thought it.
"Me too." Hunter replied, although it could have just been in my head.
We walked back quietly, in a daze from the days events. Or maybe it was just me in a daze.
All through my play, I kept recalling the days events. it was playing through my mind like a movie.
And sure enough, he became my muse. Three poems spurted from the romance that had evolved between us. Here they are.

Today is yours and mine to share

And so it begins.
The delicate threads
Holding us up
Just for now.
Just for now,
Forever is a thoughtless,
Unimaginable word
Vanished from my vocabulary
Long ago.
But maybe,
Just for now,
Just for now,
You and I, we, us,
Together
Can possibly exist
Just for now,
Just for now.
I can be free, happy, I can
Sample the sweet thrill of
Your taste, your body
Pressed against mine n
The tender embrace
I've learned to love
Just for now.
Just for now,
I can lose myself
In your dark eyes...
Just for now.

The Catalyst

The tender touch of you

Grazing my skin,

Cold fire, contradictory

Feelings of warmth and freezing cold,

Of smooth skin and rough stubble,

But the feelings in my heart

Never seem to clash.

They're swirling, twisting

Like the moon and tide

They're so different

Yet they belong together.

Fingers intertwining, a bond

Starting to form, a rush

Of exhilaration, a sense

Of fear and dizzying excitement.

It starts now, it all begins

The blissful remembrance of your 

Hands cupping my face, pulling me

Into the most tender of kisses

And then, you look in my eyes....

The eyes, the catalyst that

Made this crazy, beautiful

Thing become so real.

In Your Arms

In your arms
I feel so safe, secure.
Enfolded in your embrace
I experience a sweet thrill,
A blissful, blooming warmth
Sweeping, spreading through me
Like the rays of the sun
In all its shining splendour.
In your arms, I count
Each second I am there,
Yet it still feels like
An eternity of happiness;
It's like a small piece of heaven
Tucked into the furthest corner
Of my heart.
And when I dream, I feel
Those strong arms wrapping
Around my body, hugging me
Close, as though you'll
Never let me go.
And every time you tell me
That you love holding me
In your arms
My words to you become only
A shy whisper in my mind...
All I want to say is that
I love being held by you,
In your arms.

-V.