So. I haven't been blogging for awhile, sorry for that.
But there's something I need to write about.
The other day, I was browsing the advertisment-ridden hole Youtube has become, when a song came up in my recommendations: Somebody that I Used to Know, by this kid called Gotye. I'd seen it on Facebook before, people raved about it, so I gave it a shot.
And then I cried.
....okay, so that was a blatant lie. Hipster music doesn't make me cry. But the lyrics tugged at my heart, because the words were so familiar.... then I recognized them from one cavern of my dumb, broken, held-together-by-duct-tape heart.
It's about time I got the story of the guy who hurt me out.
This one's for you, Wolfie.
I've mentioned this guy before. He was the one who gave me my namesake- Vixen. We knew each other through our mutual friends, and one summer night at a party, we met again, and within days we went out on a date.
We walked for hours at the streets near my home, sharing more things, the conversation getting so personal, and yet it felt so real, and I felt so real. We admitted our fears, our dreams, and the fact that we'd both found each other attractive since day one.
It was instantaneous infatuation, beautiful and painful.
We had great times- meeting his family, who made me feel like part of the clan by the time my first visit was over; screaming along to the car radio as we drove through the night; drinking at a crowded party, smiling secretly at each other.
We became each other's own.
Now and then I think of when we were together-
Like when you said you felt so happy, you could die...
Days, weeks passed. And the suddenly, my prince became.... someone else.
He became distant, strange. Text messages went unanswered, glances in the hall becoming the norm.
And then, it ended abruptly. A slap across the face in private confinements, a single, cold look, a skipping of my first period English class, tears frozen on my cheeks as empty promises shattered in the frigid october air.
I couldn't take it. I let myself be vunerable, let myself fall too hard too quickly- and it was thrown in my face.
But it ended anyway, despite my feelings.
So when we found out that we could not make sense,
Well, you said that we would still be friends....
And suddenly, I became a second plague to him.
I was ignored, I was shunned. The tender moments we shared, the sweet kisses- gone, erased, never to be found again.
But you didn't have to cut me off,
Make out like we never happened and that we were nothing.
And I don't even need your love,
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.
He removed me on facebook. Some of our mutual friends stopped talking to me altogether.
No, you didn't have to stoop so low,
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number....
Somedays I look back on those memories. And I do truly miss them, and what we once were.... what he once was. And some days I can't help but feel.... was it him who really changed, or me?
I guess that I don't need that though,
Now you're just somebody that I used to know.
-V.
